News Release: 13:40 GMT, 20 Feb 2016, Cupar, Scotland
I have two important announcements to make.
First, I am pleased to announce the formation of TSFNLPWCRDTR.
As is obvious from the acronym, this is The Society For Not Letting Politicians Who Call Referendums Decide Their Rules.
The reason for this is that in the last bloody referendum (for independence in Scotland) we had a interminably long campaign because the politicians who called it decided it was their best chance of winning, and they rigged the demographics of the referendum to disenfranchise people with a deep interest in the result.
In the upcoming bloody referendum (for exit from the EU) we have a very short campaign because the politicians who called it decided it was their best chance of winning, and they rigged the demographics of the referendum to disenfranchise people with a deep interest in the result.
Last time many people who would have been citizens on day one of a new Scotland were not able to vote.
This time most non-British EU citizens settled in the UK are not allowed to vote in a referendum which critically affects their future.
Either of these positions are tenable, but its totally ridiculous that if these critical things about how the referendum is run are decided by the people trying to get a particular result. You don't have to be a huge fan of the US Constitution to appreciate that at least how the constitution is changed doesn't depend on whether or not the President wants it changed.
This leads to my second announcement. As it's first act, TSFNLPWCRDTR has decided that in future, politicians can decide to call referendums, but TSFNLPWCRDTR will decide when they are held, and what the electorate is, and other important stuff at its discretion.
We are strong believers in democracy, and have therefore decided that this issue will be decided by referendum.
The referendum will be on Thursday 25 Feb 2016.
The electorate will consist only of me.
I'm predicting it will pass.
Please feel free to show your support at #TSFNLPWCRDTR
p.s. if you misplaced apostrophes in "its totally ridiculous" and "it's first act" then you are the kind of picky person who would be a perfect member of our society. Please join.